Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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