You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
