Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
