32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
