This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
