I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
