I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
