Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
