I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
someone owes me an orgasm
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.