is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How external is "for external use only"?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.