there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.