Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
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The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
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You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house