So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED