apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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