Acid is not a monday night drug
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
