Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
