Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
