Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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