I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
