dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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