I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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