Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
