moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
