Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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