chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
