So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Text me some of your sweat
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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