My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
