Need sex. Gaining weight.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
