I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
