my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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