Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
