I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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