At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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