As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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