I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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