two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
