oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
