Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
