dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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