Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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