did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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