you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
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we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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