i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
