I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
be right there i have to get my cape
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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