last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
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If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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