The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
