who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
