also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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