So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize