I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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