He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
false alarm, still single
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
