Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
