i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
