Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
