see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
