I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
