so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
