Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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