i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
