so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
