It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize