Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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