Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
