i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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