At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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