He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
