she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
